Casual Mafia Wants To Flash You

Posted in Boobs, Debauchery, Funny videos with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2009 by casualsteve

I just saw another one of those World Wide Net videos that features a crap load of people spontaneously dancing with choreography in public. It’s like a real life version of Wicked or West Side Story taking place in your favorite local watering hole, being caught on camera, and posted to the Internets for everyone to gawk at. This new phenomenon is called “flash mobbing” and I’m not sure if I dig it. When something is called a flash mob, wouldn’t you at least expect to see one boob? It has “flash” right in the title! Anyway, flash mobbing is supposed to stun everyone lucky enough to be a witness and cause them to immediately start video taping the flamboyant dancing on their crappy cell phone camera. The only problem is that there are no authentic witnesses. Ninety-nine percent of the people that we think are innocent bystanders ends up popping n’ locking in perfect rhythm by the end of the production, leaving only 3 mid-westerners with fanny packs as legitimate witnesses. If you think about it, these elaborate dances are no different than a community theater production of Rent at a 4th of July parade in Wichita (I’ve officially exhausted all of my musical theater references…that I’ll publicly admit to knowing about……Les Miserbles…Joseph…Damn it!)

As of today, we have decided to officially leave the world of comedy. That’s right, The Casual Mafia has made a collective decision to stop making funny music videos and sketches and enter the lucrative world of flash mobbing. It’s really the logical next step if you think about. If you’d like to be involved in our first production, call Josh on the new official Casual Mafia Flash Mob Hotline at (800) JOSH-MAC any time between 5 a.m and 7 a.m. We are going to be at the next L.A. Rams home game and we will be doing a musical montage medley featuring songs by Motley Crue, Journey, The Beastie Boys, and The Indigo Girls. Ric will be choreographing so it will be sure to feature lots of Latin spice and sexual ambiguity. We hope you’re as excited as we are and we can’t wait to make history. No dancing experience is required to don’t be shy, call now!

 

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Oprah!? No!?

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , on November 19, 2009 by joshmacuga

I just read breaking news on CNN.com that Oprah is going to air her final episode of the Oprah Winfrey show in 2011.  Yep… that’s right.  Housewives and lame chicks that I know are crying everywhere.  Now I know what most people are thinking, Josh, you’re an Oprah fan?  No.  I could care less.  To be honest with you I’ve never watched an entire Oprah show beginning to end.  I personally think her best performance was playing herself on the Dave Chapelle show, but that wasn’t even her… so I am foiled again.  There isn’t a whole lot about the story, but I can only imagine why she is stopping her show.  My first thought is that her giveaway shows have become so insane that even she can’t top them.  I mean I heard this year she was going to be giving Afghani babies to audience members, I mean that can’t even be legal right?  My second thought is that she wants to try and spend all her money, which as we all know is impossible unless she takes over the debt we owe China.  My third thought is that she is finally going to admit to being a lesbian and doesn’t want to alienate her female guests when she demands to touch their boobs back stage.  I mean the list can go on… She bought a remote medical facility to actually build XMEN, she is building a fleet of hover boards, she bought the entire cake industry out and plans to start a birthday cake empire, I don’t know.  I mean she could have even bought the rights to the actual color purple and will make money anytime someone uses it.  I mean she is powerful enough to own a color right?  Well Oprah start booking awesome guests, cause I want some more of this crazy stuff on your show.

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You Know What Really BUGS me?

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2009 by joshmacuga

The movie BUG.  Not many people really know about this movie and for obvious reasons.  It blew.  Seriously, blew.  It was like accidentally stopping on softcore on your house TV thinking your parents are asleep, but they’re awake.  True story.  Awkward.  This movie, BUG, was supposedly some awesome play and then got made into a movie, great idea, and I just wasted 90 minutes watching this junk.  90 minutes I will never get back.  You know what you can do in 90 minutes?  Watch 3 episodes of Always Sunny In Philadelphia, bang-have a sandwich-bang- and get yogurtland.  You can also play and entire world cup soccer game! Yet I watched this movie BUG.  This is the last time I watch a movie recommended to me by some hot artsy chick I met in a coffee shop before an audition.  I just wanted to talk to her and sound intellectual, but obviously I lost in this situation.  I mean I didn’t even get her flipping number, she had some “BOYFRIEND”.  That just proves a few points that a hipster friend of mine usually points out.  One, I think inside the box about a lot of things especially lame a** cultural BS.  And two, hipster girls see me as some version of “The Man” who won’t buy their homemade painting using recycled heroine needles.  My bad, sorry for not appreciating such art.  Now can we bang?  No?  Okay, I’m out!

But onto BUG.  First let me say the only reason I give this movie even a thought of decency is because you see Ashley Judd fully nude 2 times, albeit the 2nd time she is pouring gasoline on herself about to commit suicide, it’s still hot.  However, in said suicide scene, you do see some side bush, which is a way more rare than side boob, as Steve Lutsk can attest to.  This movie poster describes it as the scariest horror movie you’ve ever seen?!  Really, I wasn’t scared, I was really confused, and then I just felt awkward cause the acting was just so weird.  It wasn’t bad per say, but just weird.  And poor Harry Connick Jr.!  I mean that dude is my idol.  He can walk into a room and just point at a girl and in under 5 seconds she’s naked and with child.  I mean he is just that good.  And he played some ex-con domestic violence loving jerk!?  Come on casting, what are you doing?!  Don’t we have other dudes for this role, like Chris Brown?  Too soon?  I really don’t know what else to say, but to really just tell all the people out there, not to watch this movie.  And all you hipster girls out there, who are hot, don’t think I live inside a box, if this is outside the box I’ll gladly stay inside and watch me some Step Brothers.

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Segways Freakin’ Rule!

Posted in Blog, Boobs, New Hampshire, Weekend Happenings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2009 by casualsteve

I’m still pretty exhausted from an intense weekend of shooting three new music videos for the interwebs. I promise that they’re some of the funniest videos you’ll ever see and I can’t wait for their release. If you’re a fan of  drunk Uncles, Segways or porn then you’re in for a treat. Did I mention there would be a video about porn? Also…..porn.

One thing I realized about this past weekend is that I will never make fun of anyone riding a Segway again (unless they’re a security guard.) We had one on the set and I was lucky enough to get a few minutes riding this thing. It was unlike anything I’ve ever rode before and it’s really tough to describe the experience. Riding on this is even better than riding the psycho-drome at Canobie Lake Park. It’s probably the most intuitive piece of machinery on the planet to control because I swear the thing can read your mind. All you have to do is think about going forward and before you know it, you’re cruising along the beach at a blazing 20.1 kilometers per hour.

The one thing that sucks about riding a Segway is that you are automatically classified as a nerd and probably won’t get laid that day. I want to do anything I can to change the image of Segway riders so I can buy one and not be deemed a social outcast. This is why I’m proposing that Extreme “Segging” be included in the 2010 Summer X-Games. Segway riders can be called “Seggers” like skateboarders are called skaters. (The fact that my Mom called Sega Genesis a “Segger” is purely coincidental.)  Pro skateboarders and BMX riders get a ton of poon so I figure that if people start seeing Segways grinding rails on a 12 foot vert ramp it will automatically give Seggers more street cred. Street cred, as we all know, is the most important thing a person can have. I know I’d be a lot more inclined to buy a Segway if I got to start wearing JNCOs  and shopping at PacSun instead of the K-Mart.

When the Segway was first released, inventor Dean Kamen claimed that it would change the way cities were designed. I’m not exactly sure what that means but I hope these futuristic cities have In N Out Burgers with Segway drive-thrus and naked burger girls. That would be awesome.  We haven’t reached that point yet but I can’t wait until they become a little more mainstream so I can be the first Segger to pull off a 360 tail-whip.

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Behind The Scenes With The Casual Mafia…

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , on November 12, 2009 by joshmacuga

In what will become a weekly installment, The Casual Mafia will be showing you a window into our operation.  We’ll be telling you the story behind sketches, how the operation started and just how many threesomes we’ve all had.  We may even tell you some stories that nobody else knows, like the time Josh was buried alive in a grave with the name Paula Shultz and then punched his way out of the grave using a technique he learned from an ancient Chinese master.  But that’s for another time.  For right now, we’re going to tell you the story behind the production of Dear Guyary episode 1: One Night Stand.

Though only 5 members of the Casual Mafia took part in the production behind Dear Guyary, it’s still the launching point of the entire group.  One night Paulie was watching his favorite show, Charles in Charge, and thought man what can I do to make a modern day Chaz type show.  That’s when he looked down at his trusty diary and thought that’s it, I’ll make a show about a boy genius doctor who writes diary entries at the end of every episode on his trusty Macintosh computer.  After being sued by Steven Bochco, Paulie went back to the drawing board and decided to make something even better.  Dear Guyary was born.  The original title was Dear Dudery, but obviously that didn’t stick, but Dear Guyary definitely did.

Paulie and Josh set out to write the instant classic.  The original script was around 300 pages.  After a ton of weed, an accidental pot brownie and a minor nervous breakdown by Josh after said pot brownie, the script was cut down to 13 pages of hilarity.  We sent it to our buddy Matty Doherty who was busy making science, but he took some time out of his busy, science filled day, to read it.  He hated it, but we told him to shut up.  He didn’t and made somethings funnier in the script.  We sent to a bunch of friends who all hated it.  After they read it, Paulie and I said, “suck it.”  We were gonna shoot it anyway. We auditioned one girl.  Natalie Hall.  She’s funny, hot, and had the voice of an angel.  We were sold.

Josh and Brian Loschiavo were working on a side project called awesomeboobs.com which is now an obviously awesome website dedicated to boobs.  Brian came on to co-direct the first episode.

Production weekend was on point.  The Stone Rose lounge became the home of the Casual Mafia, and Natalie punched Josh in the face.  Twice.  Paul only had one nervous breakdown, and Josh was forced to drink Jack Daniel’s all day to stay in character.  He is still in this character to this day.  If you notice the girl who plays Natalie’s friend has not appeared in any other videos.  Why you ask?  Well… because we all thought she was going to stab us during the shoot and rape us while we bleed.  But that’s neither here nor there.

Things we learned on this shoot.  Josh is one hell of a good dancer.  Natalie hates Josh.  Matty hates Josh.  Paulie likes Josh.  Josh likes Paulie’s beard.  Losch doesn’t like Paulie.  Paulie has a mancrush on Losch.  Losch’s wife loves Losch.  Josh loves Jack.  Paulie loves taking one too many takes.  Matty likes Natalie.  Natalie likes cats.  Natalie has a cat.  Natalie is creepy about her cat.  Natalie hates meat except chicken.  We should have auditioned other girls for the friend, because we’re all pretty sure we have been cursed.

In conclusion Dear Guyary started it all.  So enjoy… For more about Dear Guyary tune in next week when we discuss Dear Guyary Episode 2: Get a Job!?

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Burnt Toast…

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , , , on November 10, 2009 by joshmacuga

This is a classic story of what not to do when you burn toast.  So we don’t have a toaster in our new apartment.  Paulie thought it was necessary to keep a toaster out of the kitchen in order to reduce the presence of carbs.  Apparently toasting bread is way too tempting to Paulie and he must at all cost limit his carb intake, so by the theory of relativity the toaster is out.  Well I personally like toast, but I also like my buddy Paulie and respect his no-carb movement, but as we all know, “that diet is a scam Sarah.”  burnttoast.JPGWell I wanted toast GD…   So… I went out, got some butter, got some bread, even bought some peanut butter and some blackberry jelly (is there any other flavor?) cause who knows what can happen when you get toast.  I mean you could build a toast castle, maybe just have an awesome buttered piece of toast and enjoy a little afternoon HBO.  The sky is literally the limit.  That is unless the limit is your oven and it burns the crap out of your toast.  I really didn’t know how long to leave it in there, and to be quite honest I forgot about it when I noticed a girl with huge cans changing in the building across the street.  I smelled smoke and so I sprinted, Jackie Joyner Kersey style, to the kitchen where my glorious toast had burned.  In a brash move I just reached in not thinking of the extreme temperature that comes along with burnt toast.  I grabbed, screamed like a girl, threw the rock hard toast and cracked the kitchen window.  All this because Paul doesn’t want a toaster.  GD MF.  Eventually I got some toast.  Not too worry Mom, I got my toast.  My Mom worries that I don’t eat enough.  It’s inherent in the Italian mother.  Isn’t this picture of burnt toast I found on google images sick?!  That’s what I thought.

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Truck Commercials Test Manhood.

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , , , on November 9, 2009 by joshmacuga

I’m not sure who the genius is at Ford, Chevy, GMC, etc. but whoever makes those truck commercials is amazing.  I swear each year they think of something new and insane that a truck can do.  Did you ever think a truck could pull another truck back to safety that has been totally submerged in a lake?  NO?  Me neither, but they can!  I mean if I ever owned a truck I would try and get it stuck in a canyon surrounded by a waterfall and have to tow out a redwood tree.  That’s the only way I could consider myself getting the most out of the truck.

Does anyone remember some of those early commercials when they would just drop cargo into the bed of the truck?  They’d have some gorgeous voiced man talk about all that a truck could do, “The new Ford 150, it will never breakdown, you don’t need gas cause it runs on Budweiser and T-Bone steak, 25,000,000 pounds of towing capacity and the ability to get chicks at any bar south of the Mason-Dixon line. the new Ford 150 it makes your dick bigger.”  And then they show the truck pull an aircraft carrier across a river and THEN they drop a huge pile of bricks or perhaps a giant tire or maybe a helicopter into the bed of the truck.  I challenge anyone to say that when watching something like that, they don’t say, “Holy Crap I want one of those.”

They’ve basically sold entire fleets of trucks to people who don’t need trucks, but said, “I want one of those trucks so I can drop a 1 ton piece of scrap metal in the bed and then drive it somewhere.  I mean who doesn’t want that?  The only problem I see is that after about a year of owning a truck anywhere but the middle of nowhere, you’ve never found a 30 ton coil of rebar to throw in your truck.  You’ve never had a friend say, “Can you help me pull a 500 year old tree stump out of my yard?”  More than likely you’ll move a couple couches and struggle to find parking spots and spend $70 a month on gas.  Thanks trucks for making us think we’re men, but in reality just idiots who actually bought into the truck mentality.  Here is an example of what I’m talking about .  This is one of those classic ‘like a rock’ commercials.  It’s sick…

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…And be a DJ HERO!

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , on November 6, 2009 by joshmacuga

I got kicked out of a bar last night… again.  Apparently you’re not supposed to go onto the DJ stage and try and mix it up with DJ McDouchenozzle.  Listen dude, if you’re gonna play Mo Money Mo Problems, then you’re gonna get a whole lot of Macuga trying to help you be a DJ.  Now I blame my actions on Basil Hayden bourbon and about 90 beers at a hockey game, but mostly I blame DJ Hero.  Since they put that thing in Best Buy I’ve been a little obsessed.  I go out of my way to go to Best Buy, which leads to the question, “Josh why not just buy XBOX360 and DJ Hero and stop going to Best Buy and telling kids to bug off while you’re playing?”  imagesWell that’s a valid question.  To which I will reply, then how will I get kicked out of bars?  Now I’m off to Best Buy if anyone would like to join and watch, I said WATCH, me play DJ Hero, you can swing by.  I also will be thirsty so, bring me some Fiji water, I said, FIJI WATER, to quench my thirst.  I also like blue gatorade, I can’t remember if it is called arctic blast or just blue.  So you can bring that too.

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Poor Nicolas Cage…

Posted in Blog, Boobs, Celebrities, Clothes, Comedy, Debauchery, Douchebags, Drugs/Alcohol, Fake News, Fierce, Film, Freaks, High Brow Commentary, How to advice, L.A., Las Vegas, Minority Report with tags , , , , on November 5, 2009 by joshmacuga

AP/Reuters: Los Angeles, 5 November 2009:

Recently Nicolas Cage, star of such amazing movies as Knowing, Ghost Rider and Bangkok Dangerous has fallen on some hard times financially.bangkok_dangerous I know it’s a tragedy.  The economy is hitting everyone extremely hard these days.  The extremely versatile actor best known for ability to turn even the most interesting movie lame, has had to auction off some of his possessions.  It’s been said he sold his pair of African King Cobras to a zoo to complete their reptile cage.  He’s put his two haunted mansions in New Orleans on the auction block hoping to cash in on the Paranormal Activity bandwagon.  He sold his 500K Lamborghini back to the Shah of Iran, and even worse he’s been told he can no longer afford to keep his pet Octopus as Octopus food is getting more and more expensive each year.  I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but he did find the world’s most expansive treasure collection in National Treasure.  Where the F did all that money go?  Nic, my good man, I know you’ll bounce back, just stop buying 300K dinosaur skulls and shrunken heads, they are creepy and won’t get you laid more often… What you should do is get a movie role that doesn’t involve the world somehow ending at the hands of an Asian Gang with nuclear capability.  Come on… Matchstick Men, Leaving Las Vegas even Gone in 60 Seconds had some substance.  Don’t let people tell you just cause you’re bald you have to do movies that blow.  You’re better than this man.  Until then, I know a guy who’s in the market for $2,000,000 worth of comic books.

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Helloo Jaroo!

Posted in Technology with tags , , , , , , on November 4, 2009 by casualsteve

Don’t you miss Saturday morning cartoons from the 80’s? There was nothing better than waking up at 7 am to watch The Smurfs, Muppet Babies and The Gummy Bears. Wouldn’t it be awesome if there were a website like Hulu that would let you watch these cartoons, commercial free, whenever you wanted? Well we’re almost there…

smurf

I just heard about this site called Jaroo that let’s you watch a whole bunch of old school cartoons for free. It literally launched today so the library isn’t huge yet, but you can still watch episodes of Inspector Gadget, The Littles, and The Super Mario Bros. cartoon.  I really think they’re on to something. What stoned 27 year old couldn’t spend 4 hours catching up on their Legend Of Zelda cartoon? Try and find one, I guarantee you his name isn’t Steve.

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