…And be a DJ HERO!

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , on November 6, 2009 by joshmacuga

I got kicked out of a bar last night… again.  Apparently you’re not supposed to go onto the DJ stage and try and mix it up with DJ McDouchenozzle.  Listen dude, if you’re gonna play Mo Money Mo Problems, then you’re gonna get a whole lot of Macuga trying to help you be a DJ.  Now I blame my actions on Basil Hayden bourbon and about 90 beers at a hockey game, but mostly I blame DJ Hero.  Since they put that thing in Best Buy I’ve been a little obsessed.  I go out of my way to go to Best Buy, which leads to the question, “Josh why not just buy XBOX360 and DJ Hero and stop going to Best Buy and telling kids to bug off while you’re playing?”  imagesWell that’s a valid question.  To which I will reply, then how will I get kicked out of bars?  Now I’m off to Best Buy if anyone would like to join and watch, I said WATCH, me play DJ Hero, you can swing by.  I also will be thirsty so, bring me some Fiji water, I said, FIJI WATER, to quench my thirst.  I also like blue gatorade, I can’t remember if it is called arctic blast or just blue.  So you can bring that too.

Poor Nicolas Cage…

Posted in Blog, Boobs, Celebrities, Clothes, Comedy, Debauchery, Douchebags, Drugs/Alcohol, Fake News, Fierce, Film, Freaks, High Brow Commentary, How to advice, L.A., Las Vegas, Minority Report with tags , , , , on November 5, 2009 by joshmacuga

AP/Reuters: Los Angeles, 5 November 2009:

Recently Nicolas Cage, star of such amazing movies as Knowing, Ghost Rider and Bangkok Dangerous has fallen on some hard times financially.bangkok_dangerous I know it’s a tragedy.  The economy is hitting everyone extremely hard these days.  The extremely versatile actor best known for ability to turn even the most interesting movie lame, has had to auction off some of his possessions.  It’s been said he sold his pair of African King Cobras to a zoo to complete their reptile cage.  He’s put his two haunted mansions in New Orleans on the auction block hoping to cash in on the Paranormal Activity bandwagon.  He sold his 500K Lamborghini back to the Shah of Iran, and even worse he’s been told he can no longer afford to keep his pet Octopus as Octopus food is getting more and more expensive each year.  I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but he did find the world’s most expansive treasure collection in National Treasure.  Where the F did all that money go?  Nic, my good man, I know you’ll bounce back, just stop buying 300K dinosaur skulls and shrunken heads, they are creepy and won’t get you laid more often… What you should do is get a movie role that doesn’t involve the world somehow ending at the hands of an Asian Gang with nuclear capability.  Come on… Matchstick Men, Leaving Las Vegas even Gone in 60 Seconds had some substance.  Don’t let people tell you just cause you’re bald you have to do movies that blow.  You’re better than this man.  Until then, I know a guy who’s in the market for $2,000,000 worth of comic books.

Helloo Jaroo!

Posted in Technology with tags , , , , , , on November 4, 2009 by casualsteve

Don’t you miss Saturday morning cartoons from the 80’s? There was nothing better than waking up at 7 am to watch The Smurfs, Muppet Babies and The Gummy Bears. Wouldn’t it be awesome if there were a website like Hulu that would let you watch these cartoons, commercial free, whenever you wanted? Well we’re almost there…

smurf

I just heard about this site called Jaroo that let’s you watch a whole bunch of old school cartoons for free. It literally launched today so the library isn’t huge yet, but you can still watch episodes of Inspector Gadget, The Littles, and The Super Mario Bros. cartoon.  I really think they’re on to something. What stoned 27 year old couldn’t spend 4 hours catching up on their Legend Of Zelda cartoon? Try and find one, I guarantee you his name isn’t Steve.

This Is It…Or Is It?

Posted in Comedy, Film with tags , , , , , , , on November 3, 2009 by casualsteve

Just saw the new Michael Jackson movie, This Is It, and I’m not really sure if I liked it. Some parts of it were really cool like when he danced to Creeper” “Thriller,” “Smooth Criminal,” and when the hot blond chick played guitar solos. Other parts were really drawn out and boring like when Michael preached about how we have to save the planet and sang home aloneboring songs about Earth. Some other parts, like when he tells the camera how to get away with touching little boys, were just weird. I couldn’t believe they included it in the final cut!

In order to come up with a final rating for the movie, I’ll list the pros and cons.

Pros:

Michael’s new dancers were amazing, High Def footage looked great, Thriller/Smooth Criminal, Michael didn’t awkwardly kiss any chicks.

Cons:

There’s a part where Michael wears Ed Hardy sweatpants, Michael couldn’t move very well, his nose was freaky, blond guitar girl didn’t show her boobs, too many slow songs, no 3-d, Michael dies so the concert never actually happens.

Looks like the cons outweigh the pros. I felt bored too many times throughout the movie which shouldn’t happen for anything involving Michael Jackson.

I give it 2 boobs out of 5.

Whore-O-Ween Time!

Posted in Funny videos with tags , , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by casualsteve

Halloween kicks ass! Free candy, pranks, kick ass movies and best of all SLUTS! Every girl in the country (above the age of 18) uses this amazing holiday as an excuse to dress up as a giant slut and I freakin’ love it. Whether it’s a nurse, school girl, girl scout, or slutty cop, we all know that these costumes all came from the same section of the costume store. It’s what Freud called “The Dirty Repressed Whore” section (psychology also kicks ass!) Sorry fat chicks, you can still dress up but please wear the Grimace from McDonald’s costume because it will be funny.

It’s about time someone wrote a song about Halloween that isn’t from a Charlie Brown cartoon. Ch-ch-check it!

 

 

Cliff Lee — MAN CRUSH!

Posted in Blog, MLB, Man Crushes, New York City, Philadelphia, Sports with tags , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by Losch

Nothing funny about this post. Just that Cliff Lee is a STUD. And seeing how there’s only one member of the Mafia that actually likes the Yank-offs (poor thing), it’s safe to say most of us are fans of the Phillies’ ace. So, here’s to you, Cliff Lee. You made A Rod look like a pre-pubescent little leaguer.
CLee-771434

All About the Illadelph

Posted in Music, Philadelphia with tags , , , on October 26, 2009 by Losch

In celebration of the Phillies winning the pennant, Ricardo’s visit, and the general love of my hometown, check out this cover of ‘Empire State of Mind’ with a Philly twist…

Part 2: The Coffee Table.

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2009 by joshmacuga

I’m guessing most of the people who read my post about my couch are in line waiting to meet Sylvia today at Living Spaces, but I just talked to her via text and she is getting brunch at Boston Market, so…Sylvia1 just wait.  This picture is not Sylvia, but it was a picture of a sylvia on google images I found.  Sylvia kind of looks like this woman, but is not her.  So… After spending most of my life savings on the couch, I decided I had to get creative for the coffee table.  I do not live in a fraternity any longer, unfortunately, but when I did coffee tables reigned supreme! The elusive coffee tables just sat in storage spaces or in a hallway for you to take, or just grazed like water buffalo inhabiting the entire third floor of SAE at Penn State.  It was a coffee table Utopia.  However, I could not depend on a coffee table left to me by brothers past, I had to go out and find one.  Most people would say, “Hey Josh, don’t be a moron, go on craigslist, there’s millions.”  Yes I know this jerk-nozzle, but after searching 300 plus posts nobody responded, I even dared to call a few people and nobody, and I mean nobody, called or emailed me back, except one person with a coffee table I didn’t really want.  It was pretty much like drunk hookup texting.  You text every girl you’ve ever hooked up with and the one girl who you hope doesn’t text back, does, and then, well, you either settle for her or just ignore the text back and play it off in the morning like you passed out…  The text might read as such, “oh man, I’m sorry, was so hammered and passed out.”  Response might read two ways, “you’re an A**Hole” or “LOL no worries, maybe some other time.” It’s a great hobby.  But I was not going to drunk text my way into a coffee table.  I couldn’t do that to my apartment, not to Paul Fiore, and not to my COUCH.  I owed all of them more.  So, I decided I was going to make one.  Then I went to Home Depot and after an hour of pricing materials and considering some heartache, I left, realizing that I was not Bob Villa, hell I wasn’t even Tim Taylor and definitely not Jonathan Taylor Thomas.  -2005-09 September-22-pictures-08B (jtt)Next I started going to thrift stores and 2nd hand stores.  After what seemed like an eternity, I walked into a store called, ‘Out of the Closet’, a nifty little play on words if you ask me, as it doubles as a 2nd hand store and a place run totally by gay people.  Everyone from Pittsburgh would hate this store.  There are many locations for this store, a chain store to the layman, but the one on Fairfax became my Oasis, my Wonderwall, my Champagne Supernover (I spelled it in the british accent) in the sky.  I walked in with little hope, desperation even, but left the proud owner of a coffee table fit for kings, beers, glasses of whiskey, it can support a 3-some for sure and fits perfectly into the couch corner.  Don’t worry, I called Sylvia to apologize for not buying it at Living Spaces, but she understood.  She even offered to bring over some Boston Market to eat on the coffee table and watch old re-runs of 3’s Company, her favorite show.  Now, what you’ve all been waiting for, the picture of Sponge Bob Square Table, my new coffee table.

photo

What a Guy Wants? A Couch.

Posted in Comedy with tags , , , , , on October 22, 2009 by joshmacuga

Remember back in the day when Christina Aguilera came out with that song what a girl wants?  imagesYeah… no I hated it too.  Every girl was all snappy about what she wanted.  Thanks Christina, even if you’re from Pittsburgh, shut up.  Well girls let me tell you, guys want stuff too.  And no it’s not just sex and BJ’s.  We want other stuff too.  Specifically we want sex and BJ’s, wait… that… sorry blacked out thinking about sex and BJ’s.

Guys what do we want?  We want simple things.  It doesn’t take much to make a guy happy.  Which is why yesterday when my couch was delivered to the new Casual Mafia home office, I was smitten.  Yep I said it, smitten.  It’s huge, comfy and as Lutsk pointed out, the first couch I’ve ever owned that wasn’t first owned by someone else, purchased off craigslist or found in a frat hallway.  I’d been living without furniture for about 10 days and sitting on a lawn chair watching TV was getting annoying, and dangerous.  I fell out of the lawn chair when it collapsed and hit my forehead on a beer bottle.

Most recently my brother bought a new couch.  He hates it.  Instead of going for comfortability and size, he went with the best looking couch.  Now his couch life is miserable.  I can only imagine that it looks like this couch.ugly26 I compare this to dating a super hot chick who cheats on you, but you still introduce her to your friends.  One of those friends might actually sleep with her, but do not have to spend everyday in her company.  So… I put my nose to the grindstone and went shopping with a goal, to find the perfect couch.  I had no idea what it would look like, but I knew he lived at a mega super store somewhere in the Valley.

The shopping process was arduous.  Sylvia at Living Spaces in Van Nuys followed me around as I sat and laid on every couch in the store.  And for those of you who’ve never been to Living Spaces… it’s HUGE.  During my shopping trip I found out that Sylvia is a mother of two and a recently retired corrections officer.  Her and her husband, Antonio, decided that retirement wasn’t for them, so they both got low stress jobs in arenas that they enjoy.  She likes couches, obviously, and her husband is a really big fan of Boston Market, because he’s working there now.  They get free Boston Market for dinner!  Now that’s a perk!  As I meandered through the cavernous valley of couches, one appeared out of thin air.  It grabbed me and said, I’m what you’re looking for.  I’m THE couch.  I sat down, and went into a comfort blackout.  These are rare so when they happen embrace it.  The couch called to me, “Buy me.”  So… I did.

It’s huge, can fit probably 5 to 6 people comfortably, looks great in my place and is awesome for naps.  I mean awesome.  So Christina you sang what a girl wants?  Well here’s what a guy wants: Sex, BJ’s, TV’s, sports without interruption, and of course, a giant uber-comfy couch.  Here’s a picture.  Those are heavens lights shining down on him.  I think I shall name him Carl Winslow.  He’s large, black, and will never let me down.

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